T.P. Around the World

Now that I have used toilet paper in 6 of the 7 continents (The seventh being Antarctica and I think they don't use TP there. They just hold it), I consider myself an expert on the subject of TP around the world. One does not need to travel around the world to get a feel for the various cultures. A less expensive and almost as accurate way to experience the world is by using the various lavatory parchment from around the world.

We have just returned from the African continent and the subject is fresh on my mind (or somewhere else), let me explain what I mean. Africa is a continent that is full of energy and is very stimulating to the senses. The people there are very resourceful and can make a little seem like a lot. Using their restroom sheepskin is an experience in African culture. Upon use the senses are brought to attention. The posterior is immediately made known that it is in a wild and unpredictable environment. The roll is loosely wound so that you get the impression that there is a much larger amount of onion skin than there really is.

Here in Europe things are much more refined. In fact, in typical European fashion the lavatory vellum is too posh. In an effort to show the world that they are more cultured then everyone else the TP has been made to give the derriere a sleek and civilized experience. However as usual, this experience lacks substance and thus the need for the bodet. The restroom tissue looks and feels well-bred but in the end (ha ha!)needs an even more swanky solution.

In South America the comparison is also true to form. South America is a developing continent and so is the toilet tissue experience. They have not yet mastered the art of softening the parchment. The TP is so rough there that you are encouraged to through it the waste basket next to the bogg because the high fiber paper is high in clogging properties. So when I say developing I mean it it 2 ways. One must develop a tolerance for the lack of softness and seeing used papyrus while sitting on the throne.

I have not been to Australia but I have been to New Zealand. Weston who is studying geography tells me that New Zealand counts as the same continent. The people of New Zealand are practical and there is a back to nature feeling when visiting. The bogg parchment reflects these same characteristics. There is a simplicity and woodsy feel that comes with your water closet experience down under (pun intended). There's just no fluff or bluff when swiping the buff.

A whole book could be written about the privy parchment in asia. But I want to make a couple of comments. In Asia your experience can range from the basic 1 thin sheet at a time to the most exotic material you could imagine. It just depends on what your willing to pay for. However, the everyday traveler can have a wide variety of experiences when it comes to utility stationary. The one thing you can count on is that the privy experience is unpredictable. You can go into a squatty-potty and use paper as nice as silk. Or you can go in the nicest Hotel and find parchment that tears when you breath on it let along sweeping the crevice. To sum up the Asian experience both in and out of the john you can say that you get what you pay for except when you don't.

Now to the North American Experience. It seems like the comparison holds true here more than anywhere. First there is this thing called capitalism. If there is a buck to be made by having nice paper than nice paper it is. But if there is a buck to be saved buyer beware, The slick nonabsorbent sheets can be a nasty experience. But for the general population the TP in the USA is efficient. Maybe a little overindulgent when it comes to texture but all in all the job gets done comfortably and without a mess. The one thing that should be said about the lavatory letterhead in the US is that there doesn't seem to be a shortage (just take a look in the closet of anyone who shops at Costco), that is unless it was a man who last used the bathroom.